JuicyLoveMagic

blast off

they are going. moving through this space into greater realms of existance, and i was waiting in the stands, hoping for someone to throw me the baton.

first rosa, then coretta, now octavia. shit. shitshitshitshit.

there is a love here. something courageous enough to manifest into lifelight. their work was about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. there is no room to be caught up in the mental acrobatics of reason and justified procrastination. i am learned and prepared for the journey. i am ready for departure.

these last months, intensified by the last few weeks, have really communicated the validity of now or (motherfucking)never. i no longer speak in general terms of inclusivity, where i try to hide in the we of commuinty and group thought. there is no one else to wait for. no other hand to hold. the universe is screaming, "they have done their work!! when the hell are you going to do yours?!" i am toe to toe with myself, bucking up my chest, balling up my fists and breaking the motherfucking drumline for my own liberation.

yes. i have chosen the higher will.

tonight my minister said, "center yourselves on what's the power in your lives because it's not _________." it's not my genes, my doubts about who/what i am and what i am/not capable of doing. it's not society, the media or what so and so thinks. the power in my life is God. and so i confidently choose to be all that i am, without apology or compromise, fully trusting that the Universe has my back. i choose faith, courage and the willingness to do it despite and because of it all.

yes. yes. it's true. and for this i am most grateful

always love,

l'


the only thing that bothered me is that we waited so long to make this protest.
-rosa parks

when you are willing to make sacrifices for a great cause, you will never be alone.
-coretta scott king

Archaeology Quote Tip
Let the past
Teach you--
Past customs,
Struggles,
Leaders and thinkers.
Let these
Help you.
Let them inspire you,
Warn you,
Give you strength.
But beware:
God is change.
Past is past.
What was
Cannot
Come again.

To survive,
Know the past.
Let it touch you.
Then let
The past
Go.
-Octavia Butler

posted by Phoenix @ 10:40 PM 2 comments

permission to be.

Taurus Horoscope for week of February 23, 2006
Verticle Oracle card Taurus (April 20-May 20)
The greatest gift you can give right now might be the gift that you yourself were never given. The most valuable service you have to offer your fellow humans may be the service you have always wished were performed for you. An experience that wounded you could and should move you to help people who've been similarly wounded. You now have the power to heal yourself by healing others.

i told summer a long, drawn out story masquerading as a synopsis. and it was good to get it out. good to have some dramatical climaxical validation of the story i enjoyed telling myself about those funnytimes and the state of affairs that is now.

so this unfolding, this steadily uncoiling of strings and ropes and such allows me to see that all i've got here on my hands is a big(ger), (more) complicated mess than before. well, not really. i've just come to understand that there is no power in the storytelling. it's in letting go of the story and just being with what is. no attachment. no investment in anything being different. instead i get to swallow the whole pie, digest it for good and move away from the scene.

true power comes when i'm no longer invested in the ideas of power/lessness, in/exclusion, right/wrong. the power is only in accepting the big picture and then moving on. because at the end of the day, the real question is--so (the f*ck) what? what does that have to do with any choices that you are making in this here moment? (nothing.) what does this have to do with who you really are? (nothing.)

letting go is the only option for liberation. it is the only road of freedom. and so, in this here moment, in this wrinkle in time, i am committed to fully loving all parties involved for exactly who they are. i am committed to keeping the past of the story in the past and being present to my love for all that is.

this is such a beautiful, magnificent gift.

blessings.

l'

posted by Phoenix @ 10:47 AM 1 comments

Volume 2

page break.
new chapter.

new story.

...more to come later...

always light,

l'

posted by Phoenix @ 10:14 AM 2 comments

lessons...

i can teach people how to waste time, doze off, how to melt in hot water and crumble from dehydration. i can lead lessons about boredom, procrastination, resting and hiding under sheets. i am a master processor, a thinkaholic, a lovebunny searching for a place to put all this leftover goop.

i could also listen to my cds all day, spend money on pricey starboodied jeans and cheap (but deliciously good) books. i could continue building sandcastle stories and surfing the internet while overspending my already stretched budget only to ask for special flexibilities, permissions and the waving of fees...

there is no stake in the ground here. i am not invested in this form of living, or this dimension of life. somewhere i want to learn to take my life seriously, to believe and truly invest myself in something. i am often afraid to work too hard because i don't want to waste my energy. (maybe that's because my energy is focused on things that i'm not passionate about. maybe that's because i need to reprioritize and refocus my vision instead of just kicking up dust and complaining. maybe i'm just trying to unravel it all before making a move and before i know it, i'll just be at the end of my little rope, swinging back and forth, waiting for a hand to help me up.)

folks be sayin' that i'm on the journey, that the promised land isn't too far from the front of my boots. just keep putting one foot in front of the other, they say. this is necessary business if you really want to be live in this world. you've got to figure your own self out before you (attempt to) save everyone else.

i know it's true but sometimes the ground mission isn't as glamorous as your view from the sidelines. sometimes i have no flippin' idea where i'm going and it feels like i'm walking in dizzied circles.

oh, complaincomplaincomplain...

it will straighten itself out soon. in the meantime, i'll just take a nap.

always love and laughter,

l'

posted by Phoenix @ 3:32 PM 5 comments