sweet silence
and then a scholar said, Speak of Talking.
And he answered, saying:
you talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts;
and when you can no longer dwell in the solitude of your heart you live in your lips, and sound is a diversion and a pastime.
and in much of your talking, thinking is half murdered.
for thought is a bird of space, that in a cage of words may indeed unfold its wings but cannot fly.
There are those among you who seek the talkative through fear of being alone.
the silence of aloneness reveals to their eyes their naked selves and they would escape.
and there are those who talk, and without knowledge or forethought reveal a truth which they themselves do not understand.
and there are those who have the truth within them, but they tell it not in words.
in the bosom of such as these the spirit dwells in rhythmic silence.
when you meet your friend on the roadside or in the marketplace, let the spirit in you move your lips and direct your tongue.
let the voice within your voice speak to the ear of his ear;
for his soul will keep the truth of your heart as the taste of the wine is rememered when the color is forgtten and the vessel is no more.
-khalil gibran
b.danielle says that one of her ex-boyfriends was her husband in a past life. he went to war and never returned home. they reconnected in this life to have a proper goodbye. unfortunately, he hadn't fully healed from the pain that occured in the lifetimes between there and here and their goodbye wasn't really all that proper when it got down to it. nonetheless, it finally happened. i guess they've both tied up their loose ended past life love karma and moved on to bigger and better things.
i didn't really understand her story until now.
i guess all of our stories, all of our tapestries, happen exactly when and how they are supposed to. kind of like a domino effect of timing spliced with cause and effect.
i am still
waiting for spring to come to my kingdom. this morning i thought it was here. alas, it was just a premature summer blitz. fucking global warming.
i am open. nurturing myself still. a constant. turning back to my seventh grade journal i am reminded that the only person who is going to be with me my entire life is me: the onE and only.
abhaya (surrender) is my
mudra right now. not holding on. not letting go. simply being open handed with what is. the stillness of defenselesness and calm. i do not want what is not mine. i do not want to be in anything that is not wanted. i want only the sweetest. only the richest of ripening fruit. only the most nourishing nectar for my Divine heart.
i am proud of myself for my striving. for my willingness to be willing. these too are small steps on the path. i am moving, it's true.
i am still liquid with feeling. shifting and becoming new at a moment's notice. this is my surrender. giving thanks for my sisterfriends who listen and reflect light. a few years ago someone aksed me how i'm able to hold the space that i do. who holds this space for me? i told her i have an ever evolving sacred tribe of strong listeners and light prisms. thank you. you all are the breath that i breathe. and i am forever grateful.
i am sleepy. tired. sore and sad.
it is time for bed.
blessings,
l'
Love you Honey!! Welcome to the Big Kids Club!!!
:)
hit the wall...
i've just had one of those moments when my entire life culminates and in a pinpoint moment i ask, "what am i doing? why am i here? what's next? what now?"
it (life) has all been great. wonderful. luscious. lovely. joyful. summersun. and it still is. my sky still shimmers with glitter and wonder. i am still basking in the glow.
but new skin is sometimes scratchy, saggy and uncomfortable. it is a learning. a newness. a surrender. that's
really what this is about. fudgesticks. motherf*cking
trust.
gorgeous wedding dresses and the pefect shoes.
laughter.
support in the most surprising of spaces.
the willingness to let go.
the courage to accept.
i guess this is what life and love and evolution are about. i guess this is it. what the f*ck else am i waiting for? why haven't i lept yet?
(oh, these reasons are absolutely irrelevant. they are simply stories i've told myself to keep myself where i am. there is no complexity here. there is no riddle to solve. there is simply fear and courage. there is resistance and the willingness to do it anyway. the rest is simply for the birds. the rest is simply static on the screen.)
i guess sometimes the willingess to fall helps too.
(note to self: practice release and presence. it is the greatest gift you can give to yourself.)
always,
me
fatal
i am having tenderhearted feelings and concurrent thoughts of death. this time it is my own. it is all meta-metaphorical, metaphysical...a neurological connection short circuiting me back to thoughts that love equals death equals grief equals pain equals the yearning to feel complete again.
i hold myself tight, guarded, protected from misdirected images of passings, of unfinished endings, of untimely transitions (at least according to my book of the dead).
this is a slow journey, a long road, a tenderhearted moment. it is an opportunity to be willing and to surrender it all to God.
(i think i lost a piece of my soul a while back, someone took it with them when they left this dimension. i haven't been able to find it since. maybe it's time for a
soul retrieval, time to bring back what i let go of so long ago. i want back what is mine...)
i am learning to hold myself with gentle hands, compassionate love, greater than i knew possible strength. i am slowly opening the door, peeking out to see what's there, exploring the possibility of throwing the door wide open and letting all of the sunshine in.
"in time," Spirit says. meanwhile, i take baby steps, perfect and big enough for me to get where i need to go. i hold my own hand, remembering that my truth is my freedom compass.
"this is a hard one to shake," the elder brotherman says. "you've
let him go, but now it's time to reclaim what is yours. there are other galaxies to explore, more mountains to climb. let your kite fly in the wind. what you lost will return in perfect time. in the meantime, listen to that still small voice in your heart. there are no mistakes and no need for translation. you know everything you will ever need to know. the journey is waiting. just step into it. you are safe and Divinely supported. you are already home."
YESS!!! YESSSSS!!! YESSSSSSS!!!!!!
Taurus Horoscope for week of May 18, 2006
This is a time when you must put one concern above all others: being true to yourself. Don't you dare elevate other people's needs above your own. Don't you dare let their guilt trips manipulate you into watering down your interesting quirks. You have simply got to devote yourself exuberantly to your idiosyncratic dreams. You owe it to yourself to learn all you can about your innermost secrets and ripening mysteries. You need to be ingeniously obsessed with serving your deepest, wildest, most noble longings.
(
freewill astrology is the ish. please check it out. do your body/soul/mind good.)
flying colors
there are many things to remember. and some to forget. and all to let go of. this is just this. a moment. in the next breath it will be gone. and new ones come in, on the heels of light and love and the celebration of mere possibility.
you bring me hope.
maybe you are the personification of everything that i fear and everything that i am.
maybe you are my ruthie manifested.
i have a phd in overanalysis. i wrote my dissertation on methods of cyclic, and sometimes paralyzing, processing. (i passed with flying colors.)
i am tired. wanting to sleep. simultaneously i am (somewhat) addicted to myspace and friendster (although i just revisted my friendster page after weeksandweeks of absence.) do you know how many people in the world seem to be having a lot of fun in their lives? tons. most of them show off their leisure time fun on friendster. sometimes i am jealous and want open mouthed grins and digitally captured, freezeframe dancing displayed in cyber space. most of the time i am grateful for my life and the wonderous surprises that are always unfolding...
my face is itching. my body too. pollen is not an allergy of mine so what's this about? how about dust? possibly. mold? perhaps. am i overprocessing and just need to take a shower and go to bed instead of thinking so damn much? possiblymaybe. probably, love.
alright, alright.
good night moon.
love always,
me
treewomyn
"the writer is the tree," she says. "nourishing, pollinating, spreading word of truth. i honor the writer simply for being. deep rooted/connected to the fire of the earth. the writer is the transformer, bringing up soiled nourishment for the world to share. each word a fruit. each story a seed planted. treewomyn you are indeed."
"what do you want?"
"i want what is mine. i want this here moment. i want the perfection that is. i want nothing and everything, simply because it is all the same. what do you want?"
"i want courage and clarity. i want to live as love in expression. i want to be in partnership with someone who is also living as love. i want the unlimited and unbound sweetness of pure joy."
she gives me courage and treewomyn, yin/yang sides of a slick, silver stone now resting in my pocket. i am reminded that my feet are planted firmly in the ground, my branched arms are always receiving sunlight from on high. i now see that courage is the willingess to be all that i am. courage is the willingness to surrender to the work, the balance, the beauty. there is no hunger past simple willingess. once surrender occurs, providence takes over.
"there is only this journey. there is only your truth. all else is illusion. all else is fantasy."
...we continue the dance, picking up the conversation exactly where it last ended. new languages. same breath. new bodies. same path...we become undressed in the truth that simply is. and for this i am most grateful.
trans
becoming some/one/thing
else. the journey. the mystery. the unfolding and discovery. it is all trans(forming) into newness of possibility.
like a lotus planted deep in muddy waters, there is no answer here. i think the less i look, the more comfortable i become in the unknowing, in the lingering questions with no obvious answers.
i am becoming more comfortable in the moment without the search for the answers that are just around the corner. they are there for reasons far beyond what i know right here and now.
she is learning new things. opening new doors seemingly deadbolted before.
i am trying on new ways of being. new ways of relating and connecting and becoming. until now the romance factor had been mostly about power and control. of taking charge and championing vulnerability. i am loosening the reins, developing trust enough to maybe even hand them over. (it has finally occurred to me that holding on tight, simply for the idea of protecting myself does/has not worked. why not try something different?)
if nothing else, what i'm realizing is the power in the play. in the here and now. in the willingness to fall/in/to something substantial and sweet.
i thought that if i held on tight and managed and controlled and decided, that everything would turn out fine. everything would be perfect. it would all make sense in the end. ummmmmm, no. that hasn't quite worked the way i had initially planned. time for plan b.
wow. bigness. steps. micromovements in that there direction.
it is the balance of mutual leaning. of mutual standing on ones own feet. it is the yin/yang of it all.
surrender. this is true freedom. the magic is in the letting go.
blissful blessings,
l'
