JuicyLoveMagic

well, thank the lordy bee!

i've been hiding from blogger because there has been an essential conversation that i needed to have. and now i've had it. and goodness me, that was crucial.

i am incredibly comfortable with confrontation and think conflict is essential to healthy relationships. i often wonder why others are uncomfortable with conflict, are they intimidated by the idea of confrontation, loss or just being "wrong"? why do we hide from the fullness of what we're feeling? are we afraid of permenantly disconnecting?

my comfort is probably rooted in growing up in a house of verbally explosive and unhealthy conflict--it created a need in me to put conflict or issues on the table with the intention of resolving them and coming out with a solution. most of my closest relationships have been with people with whom i've had conflict. now mind you, i don't search for it and i don't really enjoy it, but i know that is more important to work through something than pretend it doesn't exist.

my beloved j.breezy and i have had three fights in our lives: the first one in the fifth grade (neither one of us remembers what it was about), the second one in the eight grade on a tour bus in france and the third one just now. 17 years is a long time to just have three conflicts. and we've worked it out. it's like a million ton weight being lifted off of my shoulders and my heart. there's nothing like loving a friend with everything you've got. that's how i love my sister j. "dodo brown". and it was really hard for me when the rift was so deep. i'm glad we made up. it's like being married i guess--in a long distance, rarely see each other, but eternal love abounds kinda way.

what on earth would i do without her? so yeah, maybe sometimes i pretend she's a superhuman real person. or maybe i just see, know and celebrate her for all that she is. her silences are often more telling than her words. i listen closely to hear what she's not saying. i know when she doesn't like my shopping selections or thinks that i'm being rude, but what else is happening beneath the surface? maybe one day i'll know. maybe not. either way, i love her perfect, whole and complete in the meantime.

love,

me

posted by Phoenix @ 7:53 PM