10 September 2006
09 September 2006
i don't believe (in) a lot of things, but there are many more that i do.i will love it all. even these tight and restrictive moments where breath is the only thing giving us air. so i will hold each one sacred and blessed because without them i am stuck in nothingness.
and i know this road and routine. i know the path that this narrow and winding trail takes. i do not want to go there again. i do not want to walk down decrepit and lonely hallways into rooms where unwrapped and broken presents are waiting my examination. i do not want a room in this condemned house. i do not want it any more.
25 August 2006
clarity...thanks for the well wishes wonderful ones!
fyi: here's my schedule for the next couple of months--
now - aug 29: seattle
aug 29 - sept 5: atl (shawt)
sept 5 - oct 7: seattle (and such)
oct 7 - oct 9: midwestern domestic travels
oct 9 - dec 22: INDIA!!!!
i'll keep you posted on the other details as they unfold.
21 August 2006
the truth is...i lied.
a bit ago i announced several things and some of them have come to be incorrect.
one of the most important ones is my upcoming move to oaktown (3.5.7).
instead of moving in october to the east bay area of the country that i love, i've decided to hang out in india for a couple of months instead.
juiced and putting the wheels in motion to create an fantastic journey.
there are other things too, but this is all i've got to say right now.
31 July 2006
i got issues...but aparently not the ones i thought i did.
you see, i'm a gypsy, a traveller, a womyn who roots in the wind. and while it's in my blood and there's not quite anything i can do about it, sometimes i try to fool myself and stay in one place a little too long. and besides all of the wonderful gifts that traditionally come with travelling (new people, places, things, ideas and revelations), being out of the country and on new soil really gifts me with new sights and connections with myself.
see now, before i left the us, i was quite smitten with someone who pingponged me around with yes! yes! yessssses!!! and one final NO. i was teary, teary sad for many, many moons and requested several extensive and deeply processing conversations with a ton of my folks who held my hand for a longlong time. (thanx again people!) it was tough tiplease but i finally made it through the storm with closure and completion (and from time to time clarity).
fast forward a few weeks/months. the former recipient of my once smitten heart gets word that i'm moving to cali at the end of the summer. suddenly, i was the Soulmate, the one who had all the cards, the one who could get whatever i wanted, whenever i wanted. and while i was a little suspect, my tender heart wondered if it was still possible...could this one have really turned a corner? could something sweet and beautiful really be possible with this one here? (summer says, "we swim hardest when we're drowning"...)
at any rate, there's still ping ponging and what i realize now, more than ever, is the value and importance of a quote i discovered not too long ago. it reads, "choose your friends based on their character, not their personality". i guess this needs to be true for un/sweet lovers and partners too.
thank goddess for that quote.
it puts everything in perspective for me. personality: b-b+. character: d. sad to say, but true nonetheless. as a result, the door is closed. (officially this time). i'm ready for the goodness. the sweetness. the luscious, deliciousness of love. in other words, i'm combining the quotes of 2001 and 2002--
FUCK THE BULLSHIT, just love.
loveiscoming...(just repeat overandover, like "nas is coming"...) and it's already here. that's the best news ever.
blessings, light and love,
23 July 2006
walls of chinaa few nights ago, i spent the night on the great wall of china. in the morning, i rose and hiked the wall for five hours in the blaxing sun. it was one of the most amaxing experiences of my life. it was also one of the most beautiful landscapes i've ever seen, second to the breathtaking turquoise sea between monaco and italy.
21 July 2006
butterfly miracles"i think, i think, i think, i'm thinking too much..." my 6th grade science class once sang these lyrics as we paraded boldly through our middle school hallways.
summer reminds me that my head is frequently too active with ambitious thoughts-- always wanting to go somewhere and do something busy.
i am hungry. a little restless. tired of buying and selling. i want to be in the woods. but i'm in smalltown china (read: big city) and i wouldn't know how to get to the wilderness on my own anyhow. but i guess i might as well try anyway. i'll keep you posted on how it turns out.
love and light and juicy fruit miracles.
p.s. during this same parade we also sung, "the universal truths are hidden from our eyes/a butterfly, a butterfly, i think i know"...and y'all wonder how i turned out as i did. a miracle i tell you. a goddess given miracle!
Spirit answers prayerlast night i prayed for devotion, for isolation, for a reminder of the sacred and the divine.
today i took my students on an adventure to a centuries old taoist temple carved into the top of a mountain overlooking a great, big body of beautiful green water.
each cave was hand carved by monks committed to making love visible. i want to sleep on cold stone temple floors, and press my ear so intently that i might hear the heartbeat of god.
the universe has also sent me a 98 year old sage disguised as a 15 year old girl named chai. big wisdom is this one here. she is also a reminder of the path. "thank you" is all i can secretly mumble between breaths in our million year old conversations. when she asked me if i was religous i said, "i am in love with the Divine. i am passionate about the sacred. i am hungry for the spirtiual wisdom that comes from folks from all over the world. i think religion is just one path that draws us closer to God. so, yes and no, i guess." and that is my most sacred truth. it is the light in even the darkest of moments.
the song my class sung for our eigth grade graduation was 'bridge over troubled water'. and while i found it to be incredibly corney at the time, the lyrics really resonate with me now. all i've got to say is, thank goddess for blogger. it can bring people together in the most mysterious and surprising ways. i'm sure that if it hadn't brought me to a cetain someone, over a year a year ago, i would probably be in a very different place than i am right now. so, thank you. you know who you are. thank you for everything. as corney as it sounds, you've been quite a b.o.t.w. and i greatly appreciate you.
okay. i'm going to stop spending time in this here cyber cafe and get out into the china sun.
have a beautiful day.