JuicyLoveMagic

in the end i just let it go...

to requited love unfulfilled:
mum asked about you tonight. it's been months, she said, since she heard your voice. i told her stories laced in guilt, confessing my self-absorption and poor management of your love. i still wonder how you are, confident that the right and only decision was made. i miss you. you still have something that i want to hold. it is your love. i know, i know...that is the most repeated version of my truth for you. there are endless apologies owed i'm sure. more and more poetic ways that i can scrape myself across coals in our name. in the end, it will always be the same--me walking away and you standing, arms extended, waiting for me to return. i'm sorry...i will eventually let go of it all, step out from behind the mask of guilt and just accept the divine order of it all. until then, i'll finish this letter in my head.

to the shaman:
i will write you letters, close them in stamped envelopes, folding them delicately into pockets beneath my pillow. i will dream of you and me telling straight no chaser truths without concern about how they are received. i will hold you close to my healing self, sharing tempertantrum four year old stories. i will love you forever, always wondering if my unsolicited advice was too heavy for the stormed waves between us. i will eventually let go of it all, knowing that you still love me (and i of course you), no longer caring if we are ever able to show it again. i will kiss the corners of my night dreams, praying that something heals your heart and brings you back home to yourself.

to north star galactic:
i have let you go. dreamed you into a new place. i have celebrated and surrendered. thank you for six patient years of company. you will be my foreverandever.

to the quiet one inside:
you are the secret that no one tells. let it all go and just live the heartbeat. their breath is irrelevant without your light.

posted by Phoenix @ 10:41 PM