levee breaking
i have been holding up this wall since last week and my tears have finally brought it down. i was trying to build up a wall of defensive anger, righteous pissosity, victimized screaming,"not again! see! they don't really care about us! we're human beings! we're real! we feel! somebody save us!!!"
and so i didn't want to watch the programming. i was sick of the news and the delivery and the disaster talk and the victimization and the ignorant respose. i was angry that 500 years later, we are still unwanted in this land. i was tired of the habitual inhumane treatment. i was tired of constantly wondering if and how my race, class, gender, partner and skin color impact the way people treat me...i was tired and pissed off and just feeling used and abused from this land of babylon.
then today i got it. while i had intellectualized what was happening in the gulf, i hadn't given it an opportunity to reach my heart. i knew that if i let down the wall and reached beyond anger, i would really feel the pain--mine, my ancestors, my sistren and bredren in the gulf and all over the world. if i really could really feel my anger and let it go, surrender it into the wind as an essential and useful gift. i could really grieve the loss and then let my grief go too. and so i did.
i was reminded of many things today--universal truths do not change when shit stinks. the universe is still divine. everything still happens in divine order. everything, every single little thing is still God. and while these may seem like abstract concepts, what it really means for me is this--no one is a "victim" of circumstance. we are all survivors. and bush and brown and yadayadayada are no more powerful in the big picture than a wind or a flower petal or a moose. i remembered that this moment is the point of power. what has come before is absolutely irrelevant.
"i am the source of all spiritual and material things. Everything emanates from me." --bhagavata vita (the hindu holy book)
"in the beginning there was god..."--the bible
and so being present to what IS is my commitment. from this point on, i will only focus on what is happening to heal, transform, enliven, support and rebuild the lives of those who have been impacted by the hurricane. no more bashing anyone. what's the use really? we all know who's bad news. i want to share and spread good news. i want to bring the highest light and thoughts and intentions and prayers to what's going on. i'm tired of the drama. people will choose to be drama-filled forever (particularly under this government's administration). so what? my people have never been able to depend on the government to have our backs and i'm not going to keep getting in a tizzy because they didn't come through once again. it's simply not productive or healthy or helpful, for anyone.
and so, the song's gone. it's now about surviving and building us up. nurturing ourselves and each other. bringing forward some powerful and loving light. i am not going to watch the news. i am not going to blame anyone else. i am working towards making their lives better. i am using my resources to be a support. i am focusing my mind and my heart on global transformation. nothing else deserves my attention or energy.
we can transform the world. and the reality is, we ARE transforming the world. our words create reality. our intentions build the next moments and shape our perception of the unfolding road. our mere presence and joy are healing. how are we choosing to use our individual and collective energy?
the past cannot and will not change. wishing it to be different will only make us crazy. this experience, like everything else in life, is a lesson and great opportunity to love even bigger and brighter and gentler than before--no matter what it looks or feels like.
and for that i am so grateful. let's continue spreading light by being it.
love always,
me
posted by Phoenix @ 4:42 PM
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