JuicyLoveMagic

ties that bind parts 2 & 3

part 1

part 2
it is the same reason i bought those jelly beans. to taste poison, to build immunity. i will remember it on my tongue when the real death comes. there is something rewarding about eating doses of death. it enables me to prepare for what is next to come, to love myself through the war knowing that i have already endured the worse. i am often torn between what i want to became and what i could have been. there is jewel-laced breath, panic passion golden threads binding my tongue. i breathe semi-precious love, stringing my words together in symbolic decoration.

there are pulse words that give me hope, bedroom hideaways beneath the stairs that rescue me from wrath. i have prepared for these days, layering pain on top of pain until i am petrified into a fossil of myself. earth cannot be washed away by this water. it is simply moved to new locations, creating new structures to be destroyed and rebuilt in sand.

where does it all go? does it fade magically into my skin, directing me towards who i will become? i do not want to continue swallowing poison, building up reserves in my stomach. i want penguin skin, slickback and immune to it all. i do not want to become a source of such pain.

i carry stones behind my ear and beneath my toes. i carry your words, the slicing devices that cut too deep for me to feel. i carry you, bound to my back , incessantly chattering, masquerading as lovers and friends and teachers. you are the voices that haunt me in my sleep. you are the blind journey that i do not want to take.

where is the off ramp? i am ready to change directions.


part 3
i will slow down enough to breathe and build and ride bikes with baskets. i will spend the next five years traveling but i will always be on a journey of my own. creating the path i want to live, developing each step beneath my feet. there is a new path to be lived here. i feel its vitality. i am its breath, the lungs of all that will be. i am resolved to be the author of this tale, to spin a new story, to live myself into a beautiful new tomorrow.

ashe.
thanks god. and so it is.


the aftermath

there will never be anyone else to save you. s/he will never come. you are your own deliverer.

oh god. isn't that what jesus was supposed to do?

they say jesus came to save from sin. i'm most concerned about saving you from yourself.

posted by Phoenix @ 8:29 AM