this is called irritation.
everyone (meaning growngrown folks) keeps telling me that i need to "just do it". to jump in 'there' and sink or swim. but the question is, where is 'there,' really? where the f*ck to i begin? and so these questions, following on the tail of the contemplative, "what is my next move?" lead me running aroundandaround again in circles. not so fun loop-de-loops might i add. i am running around on a track, digging a deeper ditch yet and i don't know which direction is going to take me somewhere new.and my emotional state is wonderful, curious and contemplative, like a little kid looking around a corner, searching for a surprise. and then i remember the importance of trusting my process, THE process...of knowing that the Creator has got this all handled. i am still knawing at the bits, stomping the ground, aimed out of the gate. i want to cross the finish line now, today...YESTERDAY. but the gosh darn truth is, i don't know the first step to take.
and when i write that, i know it's just not true. cuz i do know the first step. i just feel torn between setting out on the path and looking for a job to save some fundage (and really delay the learning that needs to happen). i need an extreme intervention. a life coach. someone to help me navigate this space so i don't keep wasting time in the same place.
it's all good though. i just want to get on the good foot now and stop walking in circles. but i'm sure i'll get on path one day soon.
wish me well.
l'
posted by Phoenix @ 10:24 AM
3 Comments:
i think you should be on reality tv. here's why: it would be fun, you'd meet new people, lots of people would watch you on tv (that's a lot of power), you'd make money (i think), and afterwards you'd be able to do whatever you wanted because you'd be a famous reality tv star.
i completely agree. couldn't agree with you more. and trust, i've tried--two call backs to real world, in addition to some other experiences. let's see here, i would love to be on: starting over, america's next top model, the amazing race, a grown up version of real world...in that order. and while the idea of being a reality tv star is quite tempting, do i really want to make a career of auditioning for reality tv?
but if you know someone, or someone who knows someone, please don't hesitate to put a sister on! i think i would be fabulous!! thanks for your support aimster. your the best.
life coachs are great, my mom, and my dog, and my friends, and my camera, and myself are just a few i decide to listen to at times, other times i just ignore them. yeah co-sign can i get some directions too for music. oh, hi sunshine!
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