JuicyLoveMagic

silence between the lines

I think I will go into silence, not like vipassana or that time in a coconut tree in India. I want to go into silence like maya and sit inside of myself for a while. I’m tired. Rode hard and hung up wet from the thoughts dancing over themselves in my mind. I simply want to hold my breath and fade into black silence, into the peace that lies beneath the surface. I drink tully’s to wake me into this moment. I saturate my body with pastries and heavy thoughts, numbing out to anything that might help me feel.

I am ready to be institutionalized.
Ready for backseat paddy wagon rides to white, padded walls and serenity. I do not want to talk about this anymore. My words have crusted over from empty meaning, leaving only skeletal memories of what could have been.
I am searching for the miracle with veiled eyes, cloudy vision and the desire for something more.
Let the sweet justice of my heart resurrect me whole. (I dare you.)

It feels dangerous to learn anymore, to be exposed to all of our unearthed stories. There are too many voices here to differentiate.
Where is my power? (This is not okay. It is not fine). How can I teach courage and leadership and strength when my Hotel Rwanda is silently floating past and I do nothing to save it?

I must get rid of this heaviness. I am carrying something too big for birth and simply want to lay these burdens down.. (There is nothing to complain about here. Everything is fine. Everything is business as usual.) I am going in/side.

posted by Phoenix @ 10:05 AM