JuicyLoveMagic

lessons...

i can teach people how to waste time, doze off, how to melt in hot water and crumble from dehydration. i can lead lessons about boredom, procrastination, resting and hiding under sheets. i am a master processor, a thinkaholic, a lovebunny searching for a place to put all this leftover goop.

i could also listen to my cds all day, spend money on pricey starboodied jeans and cheap (but deliciously good) books. i could continue building sandcastle stories and surfing the internet while overspending my already stretched budget only to ask for special flexibilities, permissions and the waving of fees...

there is no stake in the ground here. i am not invested in this form of living, or this dimension of life. somewhere i want to learn to take my life seriously, to believe and truly invest myself in something. i am often afraid to work too hard because i don't want to waste my energy. (maybe that's because my energy is focused on things that i'm not passionate about. maybe that's because i need to reprioritize and refocus my vision instead of just kicking up dust and complaining. maybe i'm just trying to unravel it all before making a move and before i know it, i'll just be at the end of my little rope, swinging back and forth, waiting for a hand to help me up.)

folks be sayin' that i'm on the journey, that the promised land isn't too far from the front of my boots. just keep putting one foot in front of the other, they say. this is necessary business if you really want to be live in this world. you've got to figure your own self out before you (attempt to) save everyone else.

i know it's true but sometimes the ground mission isn't as glamorous as your view from the sidelines. sometimes i have no flippin' idea where i'm going and it feels like i'm walking in dizzied circles.

oh, complaincomplaincomplain...

it will straighten itself out soon. in the meantime, i'll just take a nap.

always love and laughter,

l'

posted by Phoenix @ 3:32 PM