JuicyLoveMagic

trans

becoming some/one/thing else. the journey. the mystery. the unfolding and discovery. it is all trans(forming) into newness of possibility.

like a lotus planted deep in muddy waters, there is no answer here. i think the less i look, the more comfortable i become in the unknowing, in the lingering questions with no obvious answers.

i am becoming more comfortable in the moment without the search for the answers that are just around the corner. they are there for reasons far beyond what i know right here and now.

she is learning new things. opening new doors seemingly deadbolted before.
i am trying on new ways of being. new ways of relating and connecting and becoming. until now the romance factor had been mostly about power and control. of taking charge and championing vulnerability. i am loosening the reins, developing trust enough to maybe even hand them over. (it has finally occurred to me that holding on tight, simply for the idea of protecting myself does/has not worked. why not try something different?)

if nothing else, what i'm realizing is the power in the play. in the here and now. in the willingness to fall/in/to something substantial and sweet.

i thought that if i held on tight and managed and controlled and decided, that everything would turn out fine. everything would be perfect. it would all make sense in the end. ummmmmm, no. that hasn't quite worked the way i had initially planned. time for plan b.

wow. bigness. steps. micromovements in that there direction.

it is the balance of mutual leaning. of mutual standing on ones own feet. it is the yin/yang of it all.

surrender. this is true freedom. the magic is in the letting go.

blissful blessings,

l'

posted by Phoenix @ 9:48 PM