JuicyLoveMagic

and that's how we do it on the west sizzle

so my bday went off without a hitch, thank the lordy bee! without a word from my sweet little lips, my grams and uncle decided they didn't want to go to chuch and i was oh too pleased. my mom, pops, grams, uncle, sister, brother, sister-in law, nieces, and nephew all gathered round in celebration of mother's day and my bday. after a nice ginger bubble bath and nap, i got over my initial grumpy funk and and joined the crowd for a gleeful evening into night gathering. there was laughter and books and food and money-filled cards exchanged. it ended up feeling like a wonderfully intimate birthday, which was very nice mind you.

pops hooked up the grub, mama made an amazing crunchy pound cake with STRAWBERRIES and WHIPPED CREAM! and i ate much more than i was hungry for. as a matter of fact, this early morning leaves me still a little full, although i still feel the rumble in the jungle. hmm...why do i sometimes eat when i'm just not hungry? i think i figured out an answer to this interesting question sometime last week when i was stuffing my face with some unneccesarry evil--i mean carbohydrate.

when i'm feeling a sense of anxiety, or a lot of circulating energy in my solar plexis, food is an immediate way to calm the comotion and relax me. some of this energy comes from just thinking about things (ie my future) a little too damn much. but what i've also discovered is that there is a lot of old, stored energy that just needs a place to go. food is only masking the feeling, temporarily soothing it so that i don't feel uncomfortable.

now, i'm learning to distinguish the movement of energy from real hunger. focused meditation, deep ujayii breaths, chanting, walking and being outside really help me to get back into my body and harness the energy, moving in one direction. it gives me a way to work with it instead of surpressing it. and this is very good. workig out is really important too. it helps me stay focused, get back into my body and out of my frikken mind cuz i think and process and analyze too damn much!! i'm working on it though and that is also very good.

i'm so excited to get where i'm going and do what i'm here to do. there is still so much more i need to learn. like, what exactly will i teach in workshops? what is my schtick exactly? what am i really going to do with all the stuff i intuitively know and believe? i know i need to uncover and recover so much knowledge that i've somehow forgotten or distracted myself from. that's step one. the subsequent steps are about learning more information and figuring out how to channel it in a specific direction. i've got some of the pieces of the puzzle, i've just got to put it together.

for at least the next 2 (-3) years while i'm in school and building SisterFire!, i need to have a pretty consistent bread and butter that's in alignment with my vision, passion and purpose. i need to continue building my skillset. i need to be traveling, teaching youngsters and/or women, facilitating, speaking...learning all these things that i need to know on someone else's bill. there's a lot that i need to sharpen my teeth on and i'm really ready for someone to pay me to do it! then, when the time is right, i'll spread my wings and fly away, to a place that i long for...i mean i'll spread my wings and do SisterFire! as a full-time gig. Ahhh...the magic of it all...of course my ideal is to be in the bay, so i'm looking there but i'm going wherever Spirit tells me to go. and that's the end of that.

love and light and amazing food,

l.

posted by Phoenix @ 6:16 AM