JuicyLoveMagic

the way forward is with an open heart

i had to ask the question yesterday in my workshop. "what do you mean, 'never give up on someone'? what if i've gotten to the point where i know the relationship just isn't going to work anymore and i don't want to stay in it because it's disfunctional/unhealthy/abusive/one-sided/untrustworthy...etc? you want me to stay around, trying hard and getting nothing in return anyway?" she answered my question briefly durning our session but of course i wasn't satisfied, so i pulled her aside during a break to get a deeper understanding of this concept.

i knew this was a "stuck" place for me. something that my ego was so invested in, i had a really hard time as seeing it as anything different than 'norm'. and that's why i knew it was important for me to gain a greater understanding of this piece. just because i didn't 'get' initally it didn't make it an irrelevant part of my journey.

when we spoke i gave her a truncated version of my friend and family history and why i had to fight myself tooth and nail to make sure that i took care of myself beyond relationships that had been harmful to me. yes, i had been an active "co"-participant in a few co-dependant romantic relationships, had a rockyrockyroad relationship with my sis, and had recently come out of a period where i seriously purged some "friends" who weren't really being my highest vision of friendship . and in order to really take care of myself, i had purged them all on various levels--exes, my sis and friends.

while this process seemed to protect me from further hurt and harm, it actually just supported an old emotional brick wall. and at the same time, my daily intention is to love bigger, greater, more fully, more honestly and most directly from my heart. the truth that she shared with me was simple and direct: the only way to never give up on someone is to both take care of myself and and live from an open heart. that is the only road towards unconditional love.

there is no doormat involved. no martyrdom neccesarry. there is also no wall/moat/drawbridge between the outside world and my heart. instead there is a an
entirely new paradigm where i am taken care of with an open heart.

and that's where i am now. it is a completely different way of approaching life and relationships (which really is life anyway). it's a dismantling process where i've got to come out of the "safe" refuge of my mind-ego-thought-analysis-judgement-objectification and move from my emotions--from my heart. this means dancing with folks, being gracious and embodying a vision of the biggest love possible.

this is all a step-by-step process for me, one in which acknowledging and naming my emotions isn't about vulnerability but is instead about creating and sustaining truthful and loving relationships. in the past, it's been really hard for me to even name how i'm feeling, but i'm in the current now, really learning my emotional self, and it feels good.

i've got some new tools in my knapsack, ones which i am now using in every moment to create real connection.

love and light,

l.

posted by Phoenix @ 12:56 AM