JuicyLoveMagic

...go 'head and cast the first stone...

i love having friends that be thinkin' and stuff. delaine-e is one of the most brilliant brilliants and she always be be dropping wisdom in her blog. but this time she hit the nail on the head...there's more to say, but her words really need no preface...

(excerpts from her most recent blog)

We in the progressive (particularly referring to femenist/womanist) community have our own prophets i.e. Beverly Guy-Sheftall, Audre Lorde, bell hooks and the like. We've got our own "sacred texts" ie "Words of Fire," "Sister Outsider," and "Ain't I a Woman?: Black Women & Feminism." And like many religious communities it comes with its own hypocrisy and backbiting. But I've been thinking lately about projection and perception "being" reality.

We as human beings who aren't taught how to communicate with each other and often operate within a spirit of misunderstanding. But do we really want to know or understand? I just know from personal experience that sometimes my "well" concocted story is much more interesting and furthermore makes me feel justified. In all of my seeming niceness, hijab wearing self, I project stories based on my own insecurities, and my intentions aren't always 100% pure.

So everytime i become annoyed or mad by someone else's behavior I feel kinda guilty because i know ive done some pretty messed up shit too, and that people are only a reflection of me. it never fails. Justified anger is something that i have sometimes thrived off but it doesn’t speak to the complexity of who we are as human beings. Do I know how to be a friend, being the sensitive extreme person who I am? When loving means being vulnerable can I hang? The more intensely and honestly spiritual I get the more I reach the dirty uncomfortableness that I'd like to reject, because there is a breach between the ideal and the reality.

But it takes me a while to own up to my own shit. Not always pretty. When you have the talent for calling yourself out it can still keep you stagnant, because you are at least being honest right? How many people do that? Can’t let quiet self-righteousness get the best of me or I’ll really be humbled.

Jesus (peace be upon him) was so against the religious phonies cleverly and yet humbly calling them out—those who prayed and fasted for recognition. But we live in a world occupying human bodies operating within social constructs. We desire validation and attention. We are flawed (whatever that means in the grand scheme of things—the process and circle of life). What are we willing to do for truth, love, and justice. To me surrendering to Allah—the Ultimate Reality is to by definition avoid the sin of shirk (making partners with Allah).

Am I a slave to man or woman’s perceived opinions of me? To give more thought to pleasing human beings who think they know as opposed to Allah who really knows? What am I trying to prove, and what do I think I have to lose being a Muslim (one who surrenders to Allah) on all levels. Maybe iv'e placed so much value in what i think others are thinking that i fear disapearing. we make a lot of attemtps trying to be heard, seen, and valdiated for what we aren't, that we dont seem to care so much for knowing that Allah loves us and knows us for who we are. i am not my body, i am not my talents, i am not even my personality.
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yes. my girl is the bomb. so much more to say, but i'm about to crash garfield high school's 10 year reunion (class of '95 really was the best). until...

l'

posted by Phoenix @ 7:03 PM