JuicyLoveMagic

From Margin to Center

i guess i wasn't as insatiable as i once thought because at this point, i'm feeling incredibly satisfied. i know i'm on the right track and there is nothing like this feeling. last night i went to see bell. yes, it's true, we were once married but i divorced her because i wasn't getting enough attention. well, last night she gave me good reason to take her back and so i did.

when she arrived at the venue, she welcomed me with a great, big hug and asked me how life had been treating me. i told her i was working with high school students, she told me a quite remarkable story about something a white woman had said to her at dinner about the 'strength' of young black women. we looked at each other crazy, made a few more comments and then i released her to the throngs of passionate readers.

this was my favorite bell reading ever, and i've seen her many a time mind you. she didn't talk about her boyfriend or therapist as i had heard her do so many times before. no. last night's talk was entitled, "Resistance and Reclamation: Liberating the Black Female Body". She let it rip!! i was overjoyed, thrilled and more than delighted to be part of the audience. (One of the things she said when she saw me was how glad she was to see a black female at the talk. this is seattle for goodness' sake. but i'm glad there were some white folk in the audience. EVERYONE needs to be hip to the concepts that she be bringin' for the masses. i want to share about my revelations and her dynamic speech, but i'll discuss that at another time...)

of course i shared an affirming comment at the end, exchanged a few more hugs and then waited around as she was signing books. at one of my first bell hooks' book signings, sponsored by my home away from home, i was a college student with limited disposable income and didn't have money to buy a book. i believe i had asked a question or made a comment about being a writer and a gentle, elder white woman bought me my first bell book. she said it would be helpful and she wanted me to have it. i was so grateful as it has proven to be much more than i could have imagined.

at the end of the line, there was a sista who didn't have the dinero to buy a book and asked bell to sign her notepad. i grabbed her hand and asked her what book she would like. she requested Talking Back: Thinking Feminist, Thinking Black. i purchased it for her, paying forward the gift that had been given to me.

the whole time i was just lingering in the doorway, so magnetically pulled to bell, i didn't want to leave. there wasn't anything more i wanted to share with her, nothing particular i wanted to receive. i just enjoyed being in her aura and i wasn't ready to walk back to my car. when the line wrapped up, she gave me a goodbye hug, thanked me again for my comment and departed with her entourage.

it took a long walk to the car, and an even longer drive home for me to understand why i felt so compelled to be in her presence. i'm not a groupie or a whore of academy celebrities. i know plenty of people in high places and i don't get really jazzed about lots of degrees, record deals or international notoriety. what was it then, that encouraged me to be so close to her?

between here and there i realized that for the last 8 years, my social circle has primarily consisted of brilliant, loving, passionate, revolutionary black women. in seattle my close friends are few and none of them are black women. i miss my soulsisters and heart friends who are currently living in the bay, atlanta and the northeast. i miss our deep conversations and unyielding interconnectedness. there's nothing like a bunch of sistas who engage themselves and each other in the transformative process called life. there's nothing like a good sista friend.

being around bell reminded me of beverly and bahati and all the other sista/mother friends on the road of black feminism. i wanted to take that energy with me. and that wasn't really feasible. now i understand what's next for me to cultivate in seattle. community. yes, yes. it must be here somewhere. if not, it's up to me to create it...

soo...thank you bell, for reminding me of who i am and what i already know. this is a mighty beautiful thing. in the meantime, let's keep praying that all the boxes check yes and deliver me safely to the a. in a few weeks for that incredible conference. i promise to keep you posted on the progress.

always love and light,

l'

posted by Phoenix @ 12:14 PM