"i've been waiting all my life to leave you"
b.danielle says that one of her ex-boyfriends was her husband in a past life. he went to war and never returned home. they reconnected in this life to have a proper goodbye. unfortunately, he hadn't fully healed from the pain that occured in the lifetimes between there and here and their goodbye wasn't really all that proper when it got down to it. nonetheless, it finally happened. i guess they've both tied up their loose ended past life love karma and moved on to bigger and better things.
i didn't really understand her story until now.
i guess all of our stories, all of our tapestries, happen exactly when and how they are supposed to. kind of like a domino effect of timing spliced with cause and effect.
i am still waiting for spring to come to my kingdom. this morning i thought it was here. alas, it was just a premature summer blitz. fucking global warming.
i am open. nurturing myself still. a constant. turning back to my seventh grade journal i am reminded that the only person who is going to be with me my entire life is me: the onE and only.
abhaya (surrender) is my mudra right now. not holding on. not letting go. simply being open handed with what is. the stillness of defenselesness and calm. i do not want what is not mine. i do not want to be in anything that is not wanted. i want only the sweetest. only the richest of ripening fruit. only the most nourishing nectar for my Divine heart.
i am proud of myself for my striving. for my willingness to be willing. these too are small steps on the path. i am moving, it's true.
i am still liquid with feeling. shifting and becoming new at a moment's notice. this is my surrender. giving thanks for my sisterfriends who listen and reflect light. a few years ago someone aksed me how i'm able to hold the space that i do. who holds this space for me? i told her i have an ever evolving sacred tribe of strong listeners and light prisms. thank you. you all are the breath that i breathe. and i am forever grateful.
i am sleepy. tired. sore and sad.
it is time for bed.
blessings,
l'
posted by Phoenix @ 9:11 PM
7 Comments:
Hmmm surrender. That's a beautiful thing. I've always admired your ability to live in the moment and take care of you. So good. And mudra? You know you be expandin a sister's vokabulary.
global warming notwithstanding, premature summer blitzes are, perhaps, signs of what things (or dreams?) may come?
just looking for silver lining.
rest well.
(i suppose i should clarify: the "what dreams..." was simply a loose play on words, a pun, a reference to a conversation we had some time ago. by no means am i suggesting that one take that last part of my comment in original context. meaning, please ignore both the cinematic and shakespearean resonance. given an earlier post of yours, i sincerely do not desire to be misunderstood. thx.)
I think I am exactly where you are love. We must talk.
Being able to be still and accept the "what is", is growth...It enables you to truly live this life and build connection with all parts of it.
I am so proud of you for allowing yourself to continue, to strive, to be willing. "Small steps on the path"? Maybe. And my mama taught me, and I agree, that baby steps are huge. Your movement is HUGE and BEAUTIFUL! Keep feeling and know that you are lovely and divine through it all...
that story reminds me of this poem. i hope you're well, l'.
----
Sunset, now that we're finally in it
is not what we thought.
Did you expect this violet black
soft edge to outer space, fragile as blown ash
and shuddering like oil, or the reddish
orange that flows into
your lungs and through your fingers?
The waves smooth mouthpink light
over your eyes, fold after fold.
This is the sun you breathe in,
pale blue. Did you
expect it to be this warm?
One more goodbye,
sentimental as they all are.
The far west recedes from us
like a mauve postcard of itself
and dissolves into the sea.
Now there's a moon,
an irony. We walk
north towards no home,
joined at the hand.
I'll love you forever.
I can't stop time.
This is you on my skin somewhere
in the form of sand.
- Margaret Atwood
"waiting for spring to come to my kingdom."
your prince (the sun/son god) has come and won't ever leave
hopefully this finds you rested and feelin somewhat better! you are wonderful l' and since all is love, and love is all there is then spring is in here, brightly standing in your kingdom!!!!!!YES l'---i'm thankful that you exist, especially on your own terms...
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