JuicyLoveMagic

i can dig it aka wise words david

as i was looking for a new home, i came across a craigslist posting where a man looking for a new roomie in his household wrote these wonderful words, "For all practical purposes I identity as gay, although that is increasingly becoming less and less central to my self-conception". and then i thought, "hmm...what is central to my own self-concept?"

i love how his statement was about his own way of seeing and conceiving himself, rather than how the world perceives him. i walk around in this body, with the choices i've made (and continue to make) about all kinds of things that people can label me, some of them visible--others, not so much...and most of those sticky, "hi, i am ________" titles don't really work for me anyway because they're not at all central to my own self picture.

granted, i used to be a proud card carrying many things...vegetarian, vegan, ally, neo black panther, taurus, enfp, spelmanite, seattlite, activist, feminist, cheerleader, christian, girlfriend, faciliator, women's studies major, african-american (in all of it's many-titled variations), liberal, earthy girl...yadayadayada...and while some of them are no longer accurate, how much of it was/is central to my own self-concept? and why? and who decided what all those words really meant? and do i agree?

there were some titles that i got labeled by association or by relationship or by politics although i wouldn't choose them myself and then there are others that are just inevitable and have their own baggage and weight to them...hmm...but if i could choose (which of course i can), what would i choose? who would i be? would i choose anything at all, or would i just be me and let all of the assumptions and labels and explanations and guesses fall on everyone else's shoulders as they're trying to "figure me out"--put me in a neat brown box marked, "_________".

cuz at the end of the day, the closest thing to my self concept is love...is Spirit trying to figure this whole human thing out...is a work in progress...is 'to be continued'...is evolving...is the celebration and embrace of fluidity of all kinds...is...is...is me standing on a street corner at 8 declaring, "i got that car" and dreaming big and loving hard and hoping for deliverance and always seeing the best in everybody...is me laughing at this spiral called life and being grateful for all of the bumps and redirections on the road...is me eternally asking more and more questions and knowing that there really aren't any answers.

and so the closest thing to my self-concept is only the acknowledgement that i am all that is. i am a slice of the pie. i am a blessed to be in a beautiful vessel but this here body, and those there experiences and this here thought process is not 'me,' they are just vehicles i'm using to move through this tangled and angelic world, to see a little bit more of how all these pieces fit together and tell a little bit more of the story.

thanks for listening.

light and joy,

l'

posted by Phoenix @ 8:57 PM