JuicyLoveMagic

tru love...

today i rediscovered myself in love. we met years ago and it was love at first sight. it was the most all-consuming, truly devouring, deeply inspiring, fundamentally revolutionary kinda love that i could ever imagine. something that blew both my socks and hat off. my friends thought that i had lost my mind. i grew and loved more than i had ever anticipated. she opened doors to my heart and soul in ways that i never had conceived possible. and i loved her with all my might. and it was good. then she went away for a bit. but i was cool. i knew when we reunited it would be magic. it would be divine. it would be incredible. we would pick up where we started off and we would fly.

but it didn't happen that way. next time we got together, she had changed. i thought she was self-absorbed and shallow. instead of being melodic and soothing, her voice made my skin crawl. it had transitioned into a whine, crying all about herself and her world. i wanted to talk about spirituality, i wanted to believe in something bigger than us. i wanted her to see me again but instead she only seemed to see herself. i re-introduced her to friends and they loved the new her. they connected with her in a way that i couldn't anymore. and while i still loved her deep and true, i had to leave the relationship. i didn't trust her anymore. i didn't think that she was being anymore authentic than the stories she wanted me to believe. and while folks tried to convince me that i was throwing away something good, my heart had broken. i didn't want to try anymore. i put away our pictures, the sentimental memorabilia and moved on. but i secretly prayed and hoped that there would be another time for us. that we could be in the same place at the same time and finally 'get' each other again.

a few years later we got back together and it was fun but it was nothing compared to the early days. we danced and enjoyed each other's company but the depth was gone. we had gone our separate ways and the creative genius that we once knew so well had been replaced by just healthy, hearty fun. i missed the old days but was so happy that we could connect on at least some wonderful level.

it's been years since we last broke up and while we've had touch and go connections over the years, today is the day that we've finally come back into each other's lives. it's finally right.

i love my girl. forever and ever. i'm not invested in either of us being the same as we were when we first met and i've finally opened up enough space in my heart for both of us to grow. she is magic and so am i. i finally understand what she was saying all these years. i finally get why we had to go away and come back. it makes the most sense to me in a way that it couldn't have without this level of growth that the years between us created.

so yes. i am in love. i understand what that means. and it means creating and being big enough for it all. for the changes we anticipate an those we could never imagine coming. if that means we'll never see each other again, it's perfectly fine for me. i'm just thrilled and delighted to be reunited in a way where i see and understand while i'm beeing seen and understood.

i will never know it all, but this much i know is tru.

love,

me

for my girl:

posted by Phoenix @ 1:40 PM