after the anxiety that proceeds seperation
I am officially grumpy and a little sad, missing my grrrls and going through culture shock. Send me some love ladies, please. It’s hard out/in here for a black grrrl in seattle jonesin’ for her sisterlove.
love
i had an incredible juicylovemagic week/end. i am full and rich and ripe with love for you all. so much. thank you, thank you, thank you for it all.
i am basking in the glow of our love.
kisses,
l'
(some of) the fam
grace
years ago, i remember telling
jah that i had forgotten how to cry. and i seriously struggled with yearning for a long, long time. i thought that tears meant weakness, like there was something wrong with me if i surrendered my idea of control and showed some fluid emotions. folks who cried alot (partiularly if they were white women) got on my damn nerves. but i was really battling within myself, striving for the floodgates to break.
in this moment, i am so grateful for Spirit's sweet grace and willingness to work through and with me. tears are the most magic healing serum there is. i am in touch with my heart. beautiful love. giving thanks for the amazing teachers and witnesses who have held my hand and given me delicious space to show up exactly as i am.
there is much to be said for the ability to be one's self without judgement. i think it is what we all want deep down inside. to be ourselves and accepted as ourselves--it's what we all crave more than anything. it's from that space that we're truly able to
create the life that we want to live. i notice that when my attention isn't focused on my percieved
wrongness, i am able to see life's absolute and limitless potential.
there is nothing like feeling the love that is all around.
and for that i send my most true gratitude to the universe. God. i know that i am love/d. i feel it, i see it. and for that i am so grateful. i have felt deep pains of perceived unlove before, questioning the intentions and actions of folks around me, aching in the emptiness after i had pushed them away.
i'm sure that's why i am so grateful when i remember that there is nothing but love. that's why i am filled to the brim with joy when i allow my heart open and just experience what already is.
it is all love. i am love. this is true magic.
thanks god.
and so it is.
always,
l'
this up coming week...
I predict that animals will be especially attracted to you in the coming days. The light of the sun will seem to possess an uncanny fluidity and sparkle. You may experience vivid fantasies like seeing a talking cat in a tree or hearing advice coming from a soap dispenser. Strangers may gaze at you for no apparent reason, and even your friends will have unusual feelings for you. You may be reunited with precious memories that have been lost to you for a long time. In the consciousness industry, we call this natural magic time.
the truth shall set you free
love is all there is. all else is illusion.and let's say you don't believe the above statement to be true. let's say you think it's a bunch of bullkaka. what if you dared an experiment to live as if it were true anyway? what if everything, every little thing, person, experience, behavior and comment was love in action, something that was placed in your path to inspire the highest evolution of Spirit? what if nothing could or would ever cause you any harm?
what if you dared to pretend that was true, just for a moment.
even if you weren't willing to pretend it was true, what if you decided to think that way anyway, just to see how things turned out?
i believe most people are living as if the world is out to get them, as if they've done (or are) something wrong and look for proof in every experience to validate it. but what if we dared to believe something else? even if just for a moment...what could we create if it was all love?
failure wouldn't exist. victimhood would no longer be powerful reasoning. the search for power and control would be over. we could all just be as beautiful and perfect as we naturally are. and from that place we could only create more beauty and perfection.
what if we weren't trying to fill voids or make up for being ourselves? and instead just moved from the knowing that
it's all love.i dare you to try that on for a day. or just this moment if a day seems to long.
let me know how it turns out.
love always,
l'
news bears
i am in love with the most wonderful womyn in the world. she's brilliant, beautiful and sweet as (vegan, wheat crusted) cherry pie and i'm here to declare my love for her from the top of my lungs. you know, at first i thought this relationship was going to be a walk in the park. then reality struck and i thought it was going to be hell in a handbasket. now i realize that it's whatever i make it. each moment i get to choose how i see, hold and love her. i get to choose how i'm seen, held and loved. this relationship is completely up to me and it's my responsibility. she's a precious jewel and good times i tell you. i'm learning so much and i'm so grateful for the opportunity to connect and grow like this.
the best news of all is that she's promised lifelong commitment. there's no running away from this one here. no blame. no shame. just love, connection and growth. good thing too...since i'm going to be with her the rest of my life anyway. thank goddess i've finally decided to enjoy it.
always,
me
my new favorite website
Frikken
AMAZING!www.43things.com
9 questions...
9 Lasts:Last dollar spent: on a ferry ticket
Last cigarette: never smoked cigs.
Last beverage: honeybush tea w/agave nectar and almond milk
Last phone call: that one gul
Last movie: hotel rwanda
Last song played: something on a sweet mixtape
Last bubble bath: last week-ginger of course!
Last time you cried: while watching hotel rwanda
Last thing you ate: macaroon cookies
8 Have You Evers:Have you ever dated a best friend: yes
Have you ever skinny dipped: yes
Have you ever kissed somebody and regretted it: nope.
Have you ever lost someone you loved: yes...
Have you ever been dumped: no suh
Have you ever been drunk and thrown up: hayle yes.
Have you ever run away: travelling wihtout moving
7 States You Have Visted:1. new york
2. california
3. illinois
4. oregon
5. hawaii
6. georgia
7. arizona
6 Things You've Done Today:1. soaked my feet
2. called out to work
3. connected with a long, lost friend
4. got back in bed
5. continued the 4.5 month marathon phone conversation
6. role played
5 Of Your Favorite Things:1. people: my brilliant fam, my righteous babes
2. movie: beaches (and a lot of others but that is the timeless classic)
3. music: delicious, brilliant and thought provoking
4. band: ah, that good, live ish that gets my moneymaker to shake
5. books: lots and lots and lots (see profile)
4 People You Can Tell [Almost]Anything:1. jah
2. yabs
3. (mystery person #1)
4. (mystery person #2)
3 Things That Make You Smile:1. good music
2. good peeps
3. good food (i even have a happy food dance)
2 Things You Want To Do Before You Die:1. Live!!!
2. Love the juiciest, loveliest, most magical way possible
1 Quote to Share:"straight outta compton!" nwa
tag? if you read this and have a blog, i tag you.
wake to rise
tonight i realized that i deserve to be in the world. (holding one's breath until black delirum presents itself can be quite an arduous task when one keeps talking.) i realized that i didn't really want silent retreat. instead i was desperately trying to find how i could be 'right' enough to belong in this world. i wanted to hide and fix and figure out something so that i could emerge triumphant and whole and healed right. (i had forgotten that i was so perfect, whole and complete already.)
last week i remembered that i am sufficient unto myself. there is nothing to do other than just
be.
this afternoon i woke to the knowledge that i am. i choose to move from that truth. there is no one else to become. there is nothing to prove. i have laid down my amunition and shield. and while i am still going inside, it is not longer for soul excavation, exploration, operation or exploitation. instead i am going inside to sit with myself in sweet love and compassion. i am going inside to let whatever comes come and then to let it go without attachment or observation.
i am exactly who i am. and that is damn good stuff.
i love myself like i love the sun, moon and stars. i am those things too.
giving eternal thanks and praises for letting me be me.
blessed love,
l'
the whole block saying, "true dat"
You Have A Type B+ Personality |
B+
You're a pro at going with the flow
You love to kick back and take in everything life has to offer
A total joy to be around, people crave your stability.
While you're totally laid back, you can have bouts of hyperactivity.
Get into a project you love, and you won't stop until it's done
You're passionate - just selective about your passions |
silence between the lines
I think I will go into silence, not like
vipassana or that time in a coconut tree in India. I want to go into silence like
maya and sit inside of myself for a while. I’m tired. Rode hard and hung up wet from the thoughts dancing over themselves in my mind. I simply want to hold my breath and fade into black silence, into the peace that lies beneath the surface. I drink
tully’s to wake me into this moment. I saturate my body with pastries and heavy thoughts, numbing out to anything that might help me feel.
I am ready to be institutionalized.
Ready for backseat paddy wagon rides to white, padded walls and serenity. I do not want to talk about this anymore. My words have crusted over from empty meaning, leaving only skeletal memories of what could have been.
I am searching for the miracle with veiled eyes, cloudy vision and the desire for something more.
Let the sweet justice of my heart resurrect me whole. (I dare you.)
It feels dangerous to learn anymore, to be exposed to all of our unearthed stories. There are too many voices here to differentiate.
Where is my power? (This is not okay. It is not fine). How can I teach courage and leadership and strength when my Hotel Rwanda is silently floating past and I do nothing to save it?
I must get rid of this heaviness. I am carrying something too big for birth and simply want to lay these burdens down.. (There is nothing to complain about here. Everything is fine. Everything is business as usual.) I am going in/side.
small, universal truths
beauty is one of my favorite words.
i love being love/d/ing.
you make me smile. yes, you.
i am ready to give birth.
i imagine the highest amazement and sustainable joy for you and me.
thank you.
gratitude is all there is.
we are the creamy spice. the cream always rises up.
lovelovelove.
fade into me. bloom into truth.
i love you foreverandeverandever.
l'
give it up, turn it loose...
today begins lent and while i don’t practice or celebrate a traditional christianity, i’m very interested in the idea of giving up something to be more aware of Spirt, closer to my own self, grounded in love and devotion. i crave intimacy with discipline because i know that a straight and narrow path is my true liberation.
this is the picture that i paint of and for myself:
90-100% organic raw and living foods
daily yoga practice
1 hour meditation & chanting in the morning and evening
dance class 3xs a week
30 minute daily walk on the beach
7-8 hours sleep
daily AM wheatgrass
writing 1 hour daily
45m-1.5h gym time daily
1gallon water daily
a clear, organized mind
1 hour+ daily nourishing reading
lots of sunshine, laughter, hugs and fresh air
ahhh, discipline. what else is there to do but to do it? yes. and so it is.
blessings,
l'
